I’m dating a community theater actress. No wait; she fancies herself an acTOR, with a pretentious accent on the second syllable. Pardon me for my improper terminology. The thing with this girl is, it seems like she’s always acting. When we go out, she wants all the attention on her. She needs the spotlight. Everything she says and does feels fake – like she’s playing a role, and not playing it well. Even during sex, it feels like she’s putting on a production rather than enjoying my good hot lovin’. I feel like I have no idea who she really is. I don’t know if I can keep seeing someone who ACTS like this. On the other hand, she’s really hot, so I don’t want to break up with her. What should I do?
Dating a Fake
Dear Dating a Fake,
Chicks like this make me wish I had lived 3000 years ago, before the Ancient Greeks invented Drama and Theater. But alas, I was not, and neither were you. Our lives take place in a time when many women feed off the drama (both real and imagined) of everyday life. Life has presented you with a unique opportunity here, and you have to take it. If your lady-friend thrives on being in front of an audience, then become that audience she so desperately craves.
Be critical. If she’s acting out a part, and really hamming it up, let her know about it. Boo mercilessly. Heckle her harshly. But don’t just be mean for the sake of being mean – include constructive criticism in your boos and heckles. Don’t just say, “You suck! You’re the worst actress ever!” Rather, say something like, “Your portrayal of the crestfallen girlfriend when I failed to save you the last cheese fry was way over the top. Tone down the emotional response. It’s only a cheese fry. Boo!”
Your responses cannot be solely one-sided; you must also give credit where it is due. If she pulls off a truly spectacular performance, give her a standing ovation. If she confides in you about the time her Uncle Leroy fondled her adolescent chest, and she lays down a gripping scene with pure, raw emotion, then don’t be afraid to allow some tears to trickle from your eyes.
There are three possible outcomes when you become this girl’s audience. She could realize how ridiculous she is by “acting” all the time, and she may decide to give it up and get real. If this happens, you can go ahead and have nice, normal relationship.
Or, she could take your criticisms as the acts of a loyal boyfriend performing his duty: helping her reach her goal. With your help and the right determination, she just might improve and become a master actor. You said she’s hot, so she’s already well qualified. Half the actresses in Hollywood have no discernible talent outside of their sex appeal. You could be dating the next silver screen superstar!
Of course, what will probably happen is that after you boo her a couple times, she’ll break up with you. In which case, just go out and find another chick who isn’t so annoying. Life goes on, and so will you.
Peace, Love, and Curtains on the Drama,