My boss is a racist scumbag. He’s very vocal and proud to be a bigot. I never paid it any mind – it’s his problem, not mine. But things changed a few weeks ago when my boss saw my girlfriend (who’s black) and me (who’s white) out at a Mexican restaurant. He was so shocked he nearly choked on his chimichanga.
I wish he had. Since then my interracial relationship has made me a target at work. He constantly cracks “jokes” about me being a race traitor or that I shouldn’t poke the field hands. It’s repulsive. He’s also been hypercritical of my work, always finding fault. It seems like he either wants to fire me or drive me to quit, but I won’t give him the satisfaction. Still, this work environment is too hostile for me to take. What should I do?
Dear Interracial Ray,
As an upstanding member of society, it’s your duty to help your boss overcome his racism. You can make him a better person, make your work environment more hospitable, and make the world a more tolerant place. It’s win-win-win. What an opportunity!
Ignorance and fear lead people to embrace racism. Besides negative stereotypes, they have no real experience with people of other races. Like a child afraid of the dark, these people fear the unknown. Their fear prevents them from befriending racially diverse people and ultimately overcoming their ignorance. One fault feeds the other, trapping these hapless people in hatred. Your boss can only see the world through intolerant eyes and will never know its true beauty. Unless you help him. Provide your boss with intimate knowledge of black people so he can conquer his own ignorance and fear. There’s only one way to do it.
Break into your boss’s office (with your girlfriend) late at night. Then have sex all over the place. Profane every square inch of his personal space. Do it on his desk, in his chair, standing up plastered against his ugly painting, and sitting in the pot of his prized Ficus. Use his possessions as lovemaking aids: spank her with his keyboard; slide his telephone receiver along her ass crack; cup her breasts with his #1 Boss coffee mug; insert his pens into the nearest available orifice. Spread her sweat and bodily juices throughout his office.
Naturally, you’ll have to document this entire sexcapade with color photographs and video. If you’re talented you can do this yourself. Otherwise, you’ll have to recruit a trusted third party to record the proceedings.
Leave his office and belongings just like you found them. He can’t be suspicious that anything unusual happened. When you return to work, don’t mention the event. Just go about business as usual, and allow your boss to do the same. Let him work peacefully in his denigrated office.
Wait patiently for several days. Then, at the next staff meeting, reveal the pictures and video. This revelation will strike your boss like a lightning bolt, and he’ll react with thunderous anger. Be prepared to weather the storm! For once the dark brooding clouds clear from his mind and he has time to reflect, he’ll see the rainbow of truth: although someone of another race has defiled his personal space, he has suffered no harm. Life has continued as normal; he is perfectly fine. This realization will break the chains of his ignorance and fear, and he will finally be able to cast off the awful weight of his racist attitudes.
And you, who took it upon yourself to enlighten him, will surely be showered with praise and vacation days the likes of which your feeble colleagues have never seen!
Peace, Love, and A Tolerant Boss,