My Girlfriend is a Porn Star

Manly advice to a man who’s upset he’s dating a porn star

Porn Star

There’s my darling in the throes of passion, out there for the whole world to see. Source

Dear Ely:  I was recently surfing some amateur porn sites at work when I came across a video of my girlfriend tits up with her ex-boyfriend slobbering all over her, then riding her ass like a donkey.  I was simultaneously stimulated and disgusted.  At first I thought she was cheating on me, but the video was posted before we started dating.  Then I noticed that over 13 million people viewed the video.  What!  More than 13 million people have seen my girlfriend’s screw-face!  My girlfriend is a porn star, and I don’t know what to do.  Should I track down her ex and kick his ass for disrespecting her and sharing that video with the world?  Should I break up with her for putting herself in such a slutty position?  I mean, what are people going to think of me if they find out my girlfriend is one of those cheap internet porn whores?

Sincerely,

Dating a Porn Star

******

Dear Dating a Porn Star,

Dude!  Are you serious?  You found a porno featuring your girlfriend, and you’re upset about it?  You’re looking at this situation all wrong.  This is an occasion for rejoicing!

Think back to when you were a teenager.  Like most teenage boys, you probably dreamed that one day you would date a porn star.  And now you’re doing it!  You’re living the dream!

Why would you ever do anything to make that dream come to an end?  It’s foolish to even think in those terms.  Don’t find her ex-boyfriend and kick his ass – send him a fruit basket to show your gratitude.  Don’t break up with your girlfriend – buy her a pearl necklace to keep her happy.

Unproud Father

“You’re a profound disappointment, son. You never even dated a porn star.” Source

As far as being concerned with what others will think about you if they find out, that’s obvious – they’ll think you’re the man!  You need to tell everyone you know!  Forward the video to all your friends.  Have your co-workers crowd around your desk and show it to them.  Send it to your parents.  Well, maybe not your mom, unless she’s really cool and open-minded about such things.   But definitely share it with your dad – he’ll never be prouder of you!

And let’s not forget how this discovery will change your relationship.  If your girlfriend is open to having her sexual exploits videotaped, she may be open to other unconventional sexual practices.  Test her out.  She might be just the woman upon whom you can perpetrate your most twisted sexual desires.  Go for it!  Live the dream for all the other poor slobs out there who will never find themselves in your lucky position.

Peace, Love, and Dating a Porn Star,

Ely North

PS. If you have any advice for Dating a Porn Star, leave a reply below!

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